I really think our worst enemy, outside of what we would consider a full scale war or someone or something that wants our destruction, is ourselves. I was thinking, as the overwhelming sadness of my own ‘regrets and fears’ flow in and out of my life, how so many things, that I think would be ‘good’ or things I ‘want’, don’t happen because of my own version of sabotage.
I am a huge advocate of pushing the limits. Why? Because fear, anxiety, peer pressure from the ‘fearlings’ will always keep you in a small worried life. So without knowing it, a lot of times we self sabotage.
Where did this word come from? If you know your Trek lore it comes from a story. It derives from the Netherlands in the 15th century, when workers would throw their sabots (wooden shoes) into the wooden gears of the textile looms to break the cogs, fearing the automated machines would render the human workers obsolete.
Talk about looking at our own lives and finding out some things you don’t want to find! How many times do you throw your ‘wooden shoes’ into the machinery, some known, most unknown or unrecognized, to stop the growth/change process?
2 years ago I had a hard talk with my doctor – things were grim. I could walk about 20 feet before I was out of breath. I weighed in at 300 lbs and this ‘thing’ had taken over my life. What was it? It wasn’t weight… that was the result, it wasn’t eating, that was the method, it wasn’t life style, that was a choice, it wasn’t someone else’ doing it… that is victim mindset.
It was my PHD ability to sabotage. Look, I am not saying it is easy. Here I am now a little heaver than I should be still 2 years later learning from the roller coaster. I lost 80 lbs but picked some of it back up. How? Circumstances change and dealing with our ability to self sabotage isn’t an easy task, and it’s never static.
Here is what I know. Dealing with self sabotage is sorta like war… it is an ever moving target and is very fluid. As humans, we love to find the ‘answer’ and stick with it. Something things work that way.
Unless flying in an aerobatic airplane, flying upside down is a bad way to go. Gravity seems to work one way and the dynamics of spatial equations allowed us to get to the moon and back. Those laws seem not to change. However, dealing with the human conditions isn’t always a law. Let your kids play with drugs, alcohol etc, some are going to fall, some are not. Keep them away from it? Some are going to fall, some are not. There are so many variables to dealing with life, and ‘one’ equation doesn’t always work.
So let me tell you about my war and how I got here. I lost 80 lbs like I said. The thrill of coming home every day and doing something I never thought I would do again was a real high. I would walk or run 3 to 5 miles everyday. But after a year and 80 lbs later the warrior/conquer part of me was getting board. The foods I knew better than to touch started calling my name again. My old girlfriend, BoJangles was really working me and not long later I had some. I didn’t gain any weight at first and I could ‘run’ off what I was doing.
What happened next.
I settled… why? Because I lost 80 freaking pound ya’ll and I realized how ‘big of a deal’ that was. I thought to myself of things I ‘deserved’. Might be true but guess what? I got busy and…
I got entitled and enjoyed settling.
Then next step?
I forgot…
What it took to get here. See things in our lives ‘creep’ in slowly (usually). We get ‘used’ to things and before you know it, you are doing, saying and being something that deep down you know better or you don’t want to be, however you’ve settled? Why?
Sabotage – Why do we go back to what we know is killing us? Look this isn’t just about food, exercise etc. It is about LIFE. Look at your life, really look at it and look at ‘how’ you live, what you ‘choose’, what you ‘do’ and ask yourself ‘why’?
I am an old school guy and believe we have a sin nature. I know, some of you just tuned out because of how politically incorrect this is, but give me a moment of your time before you discount me. We ALL have a tendency toward the unhealthy, the unholy, the not good for ourselves and those around you. What I am saying is, I am the same and in the true sense of love, I put my arms around you and say, I am the chiefest among you when it comes to this. I…am The Doctor of Self Sabotage. 🙂
Let me put it to you this way. If someone of knowledge and wisdom who was motivated by love and was in a position of honor and respect in your life, sat down and said “Jeff, as kindly as I can say, you are taking your own life away from those that love you more then words describe. Your son, will not have a dad if you keep this up, your future wife will only have dreams of a life with you if you keep this up, your mother and father will have to bury a child and the color, fabric, humor and ‘life’ you bring to others is being spilled out like water from a bucket because of the choices you are making.
What would you do?
Look, we hear this message every weekend from pulpits, politicians and carnival huskers. This message is a dime a dozen. The truth is though, most of us know when the message lands. We love to ‘not listen’ to prove a point however, not listening still ends at the hotel marked with heartbreak. That ‘hotel’ is a lonely full of regrets kinda of ending. I know when I fire up the old Piper Cherokee and head off into the blue or when I mount the Goldwing… it could be my last. However, if Jeff Kennon stayed at home and only ‘dreamed’ of these things what would life be if I didn’t follow the voice in my heart and head? I’ve told you often of turning on final and passing through the misted clouds waiting for me or leaning into a curve and rolling on the throttle. I’ve told you of the joy I feel when I see Cayden on the soccer field or the warmth that spreads through my being when I see Elizabeth after time apart. Do you realize in your own self that no matter how much you love the people and things in your life you will sacrifice them on the altar of self sabotage?
It’s hard to admit but we are much like Esau who gave up his birthright for food. Now this isn’t something most of us deal with… a birthright, but let’s just say, he gave up a great future for a bowl of lentil stew and bread. Really, he gave up the riches of land, cattle, basically the staples of having an easy financial life for a bowl of stew?
Yep
As do we… every day.
Think about it. Really look deep down, don’t play any games, think this through.
It isn’t just about ‘discipline’, it isn’t about ‘working at it’. Elizabeth has said more than once when it comes to trying to make life changes it can sometimes be like… “rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.”
First – Recognize you can be your own worst enemy. You cannot be trusted with the power of self evaluation or self determination. Unless you are in the top 1% of the world where your discipline ranks high, you will miss reality.
Two – When the shiny wears off be prepared for the war to really begin. Much of this will be in your own ‘front yard’.
Three – Don’t walk alone – Like I said in number one, you can’t be trusted. Don’t take that badly. Just embrace the fact that sooner or later, you will need someone to walk along and help you.
Four – Look past the present pain, worry, fear, mountain, roadblock and ‘be’ through it. What does that mean? I mean look past the circumstances that would cause you to walk away from your goals and give the other options time to burn off, much like the fog on a fall morning. Just give it some time. It’s been said that a blade of grass will lay down as the storm rages but will stand taller and stronger when the sun comes back out. Be patient.
Five -Realize that there is always something in you that will try and ‘sneak tackle’ you back to the way you were. Be ready… change, even the change you want means the process can be painful.
I hope you each find a way over your self sabotaging walls this week, and walk one day at a time.
Peace and wisdom on your travels this week.
