Deep Down Bother

Deep Down Bothered.

I am writing this more as a open forum this week. As you might remember, I started exercising back last October, with the goal to lose weight. I was tipping the scales at almost 300 lbs, and was miserable. I can report good news that I am down over 60 pounds and still trying to loose more. It is so clear to me how the years of being ‘inattentive’ are forcing me to be ‘ultra-attentive’ to taking better care of my body.

But this isn’t about weight. It is about choice, and how little we exercise choice on a conscious level… which deep down bothers me. How many areas of your life do you ‘not pay attention to’? How many aspects of your life just move from one dramatic swing to the next, with you being a spectator, or being like a leaf on the surface of a fast moving river? All you can do is just keep your head above the waves to catch a breath, but no time or energy is left to get out of the current to safe shores.

Is this by design… is this by default… is this by nature… is this by consequences of choices?

These are lots of good questions. Looking at this from many different aspects leads me to think that maybe it is many of the above… or my favorite answer, a combination of all.

But let’s focus on choices. I’ve read much about those diagnosed with a earth ending condition who spend the last days, or weeks making the most of it.

I’ve also seen the opposite… those just holding on, trying to get a breath while being pushed, pulled, and sucked down the river.

The thought that is nudging its way to the forefront of my mind like a sprout pushing through the spring ground, is that ‘choices’ or the ‘ability to choose’, sets us apart. That is where the power of focus and imagination come into play.

Those living back 100’s of years ago, didn’t have as many choices. It was ‘live to survive’. Play time… leisure time… sure they had some, but if you look at the percentage of how much of that time people had, it was probably a different set of numbers than what we have today.

Not many months ago, I believed I didn’t have time to take care of the weight stuff. Now, I get up around 5 am every morning, and walk anywhere from 4 to 5 miles. Twice a week I run those 4 or 5 miles. (Run can be defined loosely okay?) 🙂 But I get a report from the software I use to track my progress, and since I started back in October of last year I have walked or run 1,812,173 steps. That is around 861.81 miles, and I have burned 559,897 calories. (Not gonna tell you how many I’ve eaten!)

If anyone would have told me I would cover the distance between Raleigh, NC to New Orleans, on foot, I would have have laughed out loud. (That would be LOL for texters).

It wasn’t possible.

My dear friend and companion, Elizabeth, from the start, had told me she believed in in me. She said, when I was my heaviest, that she KNEW I could do this. Those who know me know that the first thing I usually think about myself isn’t what I CAN do but how I CAN’T.

It is almost if she has known the choices I would make and is already proud of them before they are made. But it is still a choice. I wonder for each of you, what choices lie ahead of you today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year.

And… (wrong way to start a sentence) do you know I believe in you? Do you know how many friends and family you have that believe in you?

Choices come in all different flavors. What are your choices?

Do you have to stop a person who is hurting you or your family?  Do you have to step up to a situation, or step out?

I read a post from a high school friend who had to confront her boss. Not a fun choice to make, but she made it nonetheless, and this puts her in the category of ‘brave souls’.

But it was a choice.

How many time does life ‘force’ you to choose, which really isn’t a choice at all? Not making a choice is making a choice. Your are choosing not to choose, which puts this in someone else’s hands. I am thinking, if the opportunity is there, it might be better to make the choice ourselves.

What deep down bothers me is how few intentional choices we make, to change the things we claim to be important. I had to make a decision years ago to intentionally do something to protect someone, and in doing so, kicked over a ‘sacred cow belief’ that I held dear in my life. It wasn’t and still isn’t easy, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have a level of grief about this, but I chose never the less.

I am more inclined these days, to think that intentional choice has more to do with change than we give credence to, and every day, we make 100’s of choices, intentional or not, that lead to most of how we live our lives.

To bring this down to everyday living, what are the items you CAN intentionally take action on?

Can you stop what you’re doing and put your arms around your child, parent, wife, husband, significant other, and remind them you love them?  

Can you remember that work is work but not your life?

Can you intentionally remember that you have value beyond the stars no matter how much money you make or how many people admire you?

Are there so many choices before you that you need a morning list, or are you in a place in your life where you can’t even filter the number of decisions? If so, maybe it’s time to think about how many things are slipping past and make a CHOICE on which items you choose to take action on and which items you don’t. Give it a try… Your choices shape your life. 

This is Jeff, from the road of life… may you have safe journeys this week.