Part 1
As I get older I’ve come to the conclusion that there are truths for living that we can’t dispute. Some we cling to, squeezing with all the strength we have, others are just too big to wrap our arms around.
When I gaze into the eternal value of a foundational Biblical truth, I do so with limited vision, eyes designed to gaze upon the finite only. Struggling to understand a truth from the eternal, with our puny little blue marble thinking, misses much of the point. When Paul says “…we see through a glass darkly,” he wasn’t joking. No wonder C.S. Lewis called this the ‘shadow land’…all we know is just a tiny piece of the eternal.
The last two weeks have been extremely difficult. The pressures of work and all that rides on being successful in my role, strikes at the heart of something I deeply believe God is trying to teach me.
I am prone to nervousness and panic. I live with a 24 x 7 load of dread and worry. This weight has taken its toll and the man I was, joyful, funny, and full of laughter, has transformed into a sad, and at times, depressive person who just can’t seem to break free from this bondage. As the years have clocked forward, so has the wear and tear from life. There are cracks in the old armor from the battle of living, and susceptibility to loss of perspective seems to be around every corner. The years have packed on the midsection burdens that slow me down. My reflexes aren’t what they were, and the toll of life has to be paid. I’ve been asking myself and God, “Where has the dread and anxiety come from?” It’s thickness clings to my soul holding me back from freedom. Believe me, I have hung with the best, learned from the masters, studied the professionals, picked up every 3 points, poem and closing of sermons on being free. I’ve read books, proclaiming I had the answer only to find out, I didn’t know what I was talking about.
(Or as we say down south, ‘that dog don’t hunt).
Why?
Short answer
The temporal owns me.
It’s not like I raised my hand and said ‘oh me…please take me’ …it’s actually a natural part of life and it happens to everyone. We all get sucked into the vortex, like the washer on a spin cycle, pulled around till we are ragged.
The one piece, the one single gold hinge to swing open this door of freedom, was right in front of me.
It comes down to one thing… but remember, we are taking something from the eternal that is so big, that all we can do is catch a glimpse of it.
“I have to give up.”
Let me give you an example: I do my best at work, then I have to, 100% let it go and trust God with the outcome. The problem is I have earned a doctorate from the school of hard knocks, in manipulating life around me. I spend more energy and take up more time trying to stay ahead of any possible outcome that I desperately want to avoid, than I do living life. I learned a long time ago to keep the chess pieces on the board of life moving, trying to stay ahead of what might come. The result?
This devilish dance owns my spirit. I can’t stop trying to get ahead of things that I was never meant to outrun.
It strikes me that the best way to keep me down is to keep me busy, distracted and occupied.
The beginning of the answer?
Let it all go, and Be…
Part 2 next week.
Peace to you this Week
