My son, with all of the voices you have clamoring for your attention, including your own voice, which I am happy to say is becoming more and more like a man’s, and since I don’t stand in a pulpit any longer, let me give you my thoughts. I wanted to take this time, your graduation from high school, to give you a commencement speech from me.
You know the circles we run in and it seems sometimes the best we can do is remind you of religious rules with a foundation of Christ. I have sat in many a commencement address to hear this opportunity, during one of the most important times of a young person’s life get squandered with a standard set of rules speech… as if you’ve never heard this before. On top of this my friend, you get that message practically every day in some format. I have to say though, the minister that spoke Friday night at Graduation did a fantastic job but…what do you expect from a Piedmont Bible College grad!
What I would like to do is deconstruct some of these ‘norms’ in messaging so you can hear what really is important. Let me cut us all some slack by saying, we are trying hard to give God’s message but sometimes the best we can do is turn it into a performance, rule-based messaging. It is very hard to understand how difficult it is to take the mysterious message of God’s overreaching, overwhelming, mind-blowing message of love through Christ, into something man can try to understand.
This one, vast glorious life is a gift. Don’t be fooled… you were owed nothing before the hands of time started moving. It seems clear that God in His love and wisdom gave us one chance to live out His breath, His life in us, and it’s not to be taken for granted. Like most men my age, I wish I could impart the little wisdom I have gained over the years and drop it in your heart but… that is part of life. You EARN it baby… it doesn’t just show up. Wisdom born through years of experience, pain, and trials isn’t a waste unless YOU waste it. Learn to listen for His voice during these times and know that these events, these situations you are facing aren’t by accident, they’re by design. Take every day you have and push the limits to live it to the fullest you can.
Let me hit on three things that are important. Remember, in the scheme of life, worrying about the small stuff is a waste, and truly, most if not all is small stuff. The problem is Perspective, Context, and Time. Learn to respect these three and don’t let the ramble of today’s many voices divert you from understanding the importance of them.
Perspective
Only with age and experience can perspective blossom and grow. Perspective allows you to place a more healthy amount of urgency, of importance, on the things that matter most. As a young man, family might not be at the top of your list. But as you age, you begin to understand just how important your family, your roots, and who you are, really are. For us, we are Highlander/Vikings… which creates a distinct possibility of being somewhat impatient and ill-tempered. But you also have loyalty, honor, and fierce protectiveness in your DNA. Learn how to handle these attributes. They have their place and learn the balance. Some verses that help me with perspective.
- Colossians 3:2
- II Corinthians 4:18
- Romans 8:28
- The Book of Job
Context
Context is more important today than ever. When you hear of the divide in races, the unfair way things are working out, remember, we share more things in common than those things which divide us. Fathers and mothers of all religions and races weep at a child’s death. Fathers of every race and creed get emotional giving their daughters away to marriage. We all bleed red and we all love our families, our children, and our parents. We, the race, the human race are one. Don’t let the voices of today take this truth out of context. The context of our existence, our calling, our mission as a race, as Americans, and as Christians, is very important to keep in mind. Remember the story of the rebellious son? In Deuteronomy 21:18-21, the story is told of a man who takes his rebellious son to the town’s gate and the elders are to stone him to death.
Let’s take this story and understand that the culture that existed then ISN’T the culture that we live in today. As you can imagine, the Bible can be taken ‘out of context to prove just about anything. Ephesians 5:22 and 23 talks about wives submitting to their husbands. Most of the air time has been given to this but if you look at the context, husbands are to love and sacrifice as Christ loves and sacrifices for the church. This is a very different outcome than the PR that is used to beat women over the head.
Time
They say that time heals all wounds. The fact is, time doesn’t ‘heal’ wounds. It just moves us further and further away from the initial point of pain. Learn to respect the distance, but learn the lesson. Pain isn’t just about pain, it’s about learning.
You know the tribe we come from. We are a decent lot of folk and there is a deep-seated desire and need to be ‘good’, to be kind, and to contribute, not consume. That being the case, understand, the walk you have with God is very important. For example, It’s not important that you constantly try to prove the story of Noah’s Ark, though I believe that, nor is it important that you try to convince someone that God created the earth in 7, 24 hour days. I believe that as well, but what is important is that you show everyone you touch that they are significant, they are loved, and that love doesn’t originate from you, it originates from the One who made us all. The message of Christ is about finding forgiveness, finding peace, finding and standing on the foundations that God provided for us through Christ. Leading those around us to Christ is a huge, big deal. Finding the formula isn’t as hard as one thinks… love them, care for them and continue to shine brightly with the overwhelming love and fun that God pours into your heart. John 3:16-17.
Learn to think of yourself as a conduit, the carrier of God’s message. Learn to be okay in whatever state you happen to find yourself in because I believe God has His hand on you more than you recognize. (A lesson I am still learning).
As a young man, it seems these ‘stages’ of life are inhumanly and interminably long. Trust me, as long as it might seem, it will be gone in a ‘wisp’ of time and before you know it you will be on to the next thing.
Let me cover some more practical things.
Wants and needs
Learn the difference!
Wants can have very loud voices and can easily drive a man in directions that turn into dead-end streets or cul de sacs. Learn to lean into the ‘needs’ in life first. The wants will come later. I can list example after example of wants that now are commonplace for me. But years ago they drove me to be sullen, ungrateful, jealous, and envious. If you will permit me, let me give you a few examples. When I was your age, our family loved going to the beach, and we made our yearly pilgrimage down to Emerald Isle N.C. I would walk and drive around the island seeing so many boats on the waters. I truly drove myself into a sullen state because I wasn’t out there on ‘my’ boat. I would drive up to Beaufort and see all of the boats going back and forth and just feel so miserable that I couldn’t be there also.
Son, do you know how many times we’ve ridden with the porpoises at our side, smelled the saltwater, felt the gentle grip of the ocean current, and enjoyed the majestic sun setting on the waters of the banks? It happened, and you’ve been part of it. I thought it was a need, but it was a want and God has granted that want so many times I have forgotten.
I love flying and as a child growing up, I never thought I would get to fly. Now, when I want, I go to the airport, find an airplane, pull back on the yoke, and feel, see, and experience pulling away from the earth and being embraced by the sky. Learning the dance amongst the clouds has been one of my greatest joys to do… and it happened over time. (This one might be a need more than a want!) 🙂
My marriage. I knew I was supposed to marry Elizabeth and we both ‘needed’ it but we found what we ‘wanted’ was to be married right away. What we needed was to take our time to let you, Joshua and Jonathan grow. We literally ‘pushed in the clutch, put the gear shift in neutral’ and waited years till ya’ll were ready. The need was for your best, and the time we waited has paid off more than we could have ever imagined. What we thought was a need was a want and what was needed… was needed. So many things in my life are now composed of those wants and I don’t even have to think about it. Trust the needs of life. Start there.
Find what you love, build a life around it. Let me say it another way, find where God is leading you and build a life around that. Most of us build a life, try to figure out how to pay for it, and spend our years doing things we don’t like to just pay the bills. Find a way, early on, to fund the parts of your life that are your calling, your passion, and your love. 
Death is not the end.
God willing, life will move as it should and the day will come when you bury me. Know that the death of this body isn’t the end of what truly binds us together. I will always be with you in your heart. That voice, that knowing, isn’t terribly sensitive right now but as you age, the sensitivity of your heartstrings will recognize the ‘same old song of your old man’ and know I am there. And understand, that song is the song my father played for me, his father played for him. It’s the God song.
Though there are many more things to say, let me end with this. Know that from the day I saw the first images of your heartbeat, my heart has beat along with yours. I have been and always will be your father, your friend and I will always have your back. I am proud of you every day. The man you are, and the man you are becoming brings me joy beyond any description. When the time comes that death separates us, know I will be standing with your sister, grandmommy, and granddaddy, waiting for you on those heavenly shores.
I love you Cayden – Peace on your Journey
Dad (Big Papa)
