Life From The Ledge

Life from the ledge

It doesn’t take much to slip off the ledges in life. We seem to be built with a desire for unbalance alongside the expectation of a balanced life. Not long ago I ran into a situation that birthed this small post. 

I forgot that I have a built-in expectation of how our lives should roll. Last month I published a book, Shattered Glass, which tells the story of what happened around my daughter’s life and death. Though Haven has been gone many years, some of those lessons, that I swore I would never forget, seem to fade away like the morning mists burning off. 

I act like I have a number of days but in truth, my days are numbered.

Yet, it isn’t about the days God has numbered for me. It’s about what I do with those days. 

The last two weeks I lost perspective completely, through my own weakness at work. My job is essentially to listen to customers complain about mistakes or perceived mistakes. Now for a guy who detests conflict, you can imagine how I react when I read an email that is blowing off steam about another possible error. 

Throw into the mix an unhealthy fear of job loss, aging, and a new mortgage, and sprinkle it with a healthy dose of faithlessness, and presto, you have a ‘loss of perspective and context’ souffle. Eating this yummy meal typically means I start pointing fingers and blaming those around me for my suffering. 

Ultimately this means I start clinging onto all of the wrong things in life thinking it will make it meaningful. When I cling to the wrong thing and someone, or just life, takes it away, I become mean, angry, grumpy, and just plain horrible to be around. 

I’ve lost perspective again and I feel as if those lessons God tried to teach me, all of those years ago when Haven flew, continue to slip out of my conscious grasp to fade away leaving me exposed to some of the worst of my behavior. I forget that God really does have my life in His hands and I forgot I can trust His perfect plan, even when faced with the loss of my desires or wants. 

Yea, not my best moment. Hey, I would rather live in the moments when my books are published, or I am leaning into a curve, rolling the throttle on the Goldwing, or holding the yoke and throttle of whatever airplane I can rent. I would rather stay home with Elizabeth and enjoy the laughter and love we’ve been granted.   

Those things I love are part of the mix and not the whole.

For the targets of my finger-pointing last week, I hope you will forgive me as I work through it all again, recognizing God has numbered my days. I want to make what He wants me to make of them and not fall into the pyre of flaming debris I seem to create on a regular basis. 

Peace on your journey this week.