July 27th

July 27th isn’t what I would call a great day. I have been hesitant to talk about this day and only a few know what it means to me, and what it has left in my life. The truth is, I am a member of a HUGE family of parents who’ve been through this. I am not alone, nor ‘special’. I am one of ‘them’.  

July 27th, 1997, 12:36 pm, Haven Kennon slipped from my arms to God’s. It wasn’t a ‘bad death’ in a sense because I believe firmly, she had already moved on, but it did and does seem to be needless. We still don’t know ‘why’ it had to happen. I am sure this makes sense to you, but like when a great ship sinks at sea, there is flotsam left bobbing on the surface uselessly and drifting with the currents in no planned fashion or pattern. For those of us in the group of ‘them’ I referred to, we clung to these last fragments of the life we knew and lived with our little one, as long as we could. I made the mistake for a time after her death, of wearing it on my shoulders like a epitaph as if I ‘deserved something from the universe’ since this happened. I feel bad about that. For those reading this who were there, I am so sorry. I hope you forgive me.  

This day was and will always be, one of my darkest days. I am sure you each have faced such days, such darkness. It was the end of something beautiful, and the sinking of this life was going to ultimately be the downfall and loss of much more. For those who know, I haven’t been and will not be fully ‘right’ till my daughter is in my arms again. For those who are part of the group of ‘them’ …I know you are nodding your head in understanding.

But I want to talk about lessons learned, and heroes.

If I could open my heart, and literally pour out for you some of what is inside, the words would come out sort of like this – May these words be a part of a remedy to any harm you might carry or misdirection you’ve taken.

• There is nothing in life going on that really is more important than love and family (Blood and Spiritual family). When the spin of the dial is complete for you, will your boss’s opinion of you, or the number of hours you put into work, or the type of car you drove, the clothes you wore, the places you’ve been, the gadgets your owned… really, really matter? Will the amount of time you’ve spent in your life worrying about money, bills, etc mean anything? Trust me on this… wear my shoes for a bit. The answer is a resounding “NO”! Yet isn’t it a sad commentary on how ‘easily’ we all fall prey to the vices of worry about ‘stuff’ and ‘things’? I don’t mean to suggest you be lack, slack, or lazy about your work or life. I just mean, do you best, but don’t let it ‘steal’ your life away.

• Fear Factor – there are so many things to be afraid of… at least that is what we are told. The fear factor makes big money. It’s big news. It’s non-stop everywhere. Every movie, TV show, story, always has a conflict and resolution. 30 minute sitcoms are the best. The world is ending, and in 22 minutes or less we find resolution to just survive one more worry filled existence. Friends, that isn’t real life. I would suggest that real life is about LIVING, not hiding, about doing, not wishing, and about giving, and not taking. (And this is coming from the most fearful, negative man walking the planet.) Live your life, don’t sit home and drink the fear in and wish you had lived it.

• Small Things Matter – Look people in the eyes and love them. Be Kind to them, find a way to extend warmth. Realize that this life is a GIFT… and we don’t know when the time comes for us to move on. Treat these moments as precious golden drops of something that can’t be measured or weighed. Don’t throw it out for the material or the temporal.

• There are no accidents. You can believe what you want, but this is what I know: things don’t ‘just happen’. It is part of a plan that to us might seem random, chaotic or  just poor planning. Uh, no… don’t buy it. Don’t think yourself so much the master of the universe that you actually have the ability to control your destiny fully. I would suggest you plan for the best and let life ‘happen’. It’s going to unfold like the opening of a book anyway, no matter how hard you try to stop it or steer it. We so easily see our poor choices creating poor results, and that is true. It is some weird cosmetic thing God does, that He allows us to have free will, yet He is involved. Bottom line, He is the Master musician, painter, artist, sculptor, and poet. Not you.

What can this equate?  Freedom to live while you live. Don’t die before your time. I have seen it and lived that myself.

Heroes

By definition:

“a person, who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.”

My version of this is, ‘Someone who stays with it for the love of others, no matter the cost’.

God, Country, circumstances, cold, heat, sleep, or no sleep, they are there.

Love.

Yea, I don’t mean that gooey feeling between man and woman, thought that is great, and I don’t mean that attachment we have to things we like, but I mean the kind of love that is important. Is lasting. Is eternal. Is forever. If you were in the Harry Potter world, or the C.S. Lewis world, love is referred to in a similar way as ‘magic’.

For those of us who have been around the barn, blown a few tires, wrecked a few times, we all know that whatever magic is, love has something to do with it… and vise versa.

I always think of my little one as the first hero on watch that day. Haven was and is a trooper. She stood strong when we all faltered. But when I think back on who followed me through hell on that day where no one else could, it was my Dad. It was my Father. I think in truth, he could have passed by and not followed me where he did. He did not want to go there… but he chose to anyway, because he is my Father. He stood by me, at great cost to his soul, when I tagged, bagged, and took my little one down to the morgue. He was at times the silent partner that stood watch over my soul while I ground away at the inevitable. He put his money, heart and time into, as my Elizabeth would day, ‘holding space’ for me while I faced what no parent wants to ever face. Yeah, some would say ‘that is what a parent does’, but others know the truth… we are all frail human beings and some got it, and some don’t. That is what Heroes do, and they must do it for a reason.

Jerry Meador Kennon has it in spades. He is one of the most fearless men I have ever met, and he is one guy who never backs away from a challenge.

It took me many years to get past my own pain; to lift my head up and look around. Again, I apologize for the time I spent with my head in my own belly button looking at my pain vs. what was going on around me. But in the end, one of the things I saw, learned and witnessed, was a true-blue, American, God fearing Southern born and bred hero stand his watch without fail.

You know what he showed me…

This is being a dad, and this is what our Heavenly Father does for us, each and every day.

I remember very clearly holding Haven and laughing with her. I also remember crying with her, and over her. I remember being at peace with her, content with her, joyful with her, loving her… being a Dad to her.

My Dad’s Faith reminds me of another favorite book character of that I love.

Puddleglum

He had faith like no other.

Puddleglum is a character in one of my favorite children’s stories, “The Silver Chair”, by C.S. Lewis.

For those that don’t know the story, Puddleglum and the children are trapped in the underworld by the Green Witch. She has put a spell on them, causing them to forget what they knew to be true, and Puddleglum is the only one to stand firm.

In the words of Puddleglum:

“But there’s one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things – trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as much like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we’re leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that’s a small loss if the world’s as dull a place as you say.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

Thank you Dad, for unstoppable faith, and for teaching me how to live like a Narnian. You have shown me that God holds me, much like I held my little Haven, and how I hold Cayden.

I often think of the things in our lives that matter most and what are the things that we can give so freely, or hold back from so freely, that literally can change the world. To quote a wonderful character from a popular book/movies series let me pull from Professor Albus Dumbledore:

 “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

I hope that in these words of mine, you may find part of remedy for the injuries that keeps you from fully living your own life.

May you each have faith to follow your road and LIVE, no matter where it takes you.

Peace on your journeys.